The Metaphorical Ton of Bricks

Most days in our lives, we go about our business. Everyone's day is different, but most of the 7.046 billion people on Earth have established routines.

Every day, some of those 7.046 billion people are going to hit a rough patch. Maybe a client yells at them, a lover's tiff upsets their rhythm, or the grocery store runs out of their favorite brand of chips. Small problems are a part of life.

Small problem for a small person: extra small. via

Unfortunately, there are big problems too. In the English language, many refer to the arrival of a big problem as getting hit by a ton of bricks. The imagery provokes a gruesome scene, but the metaphorical ton of bricks is not so bombastic.

A Message

Today is a hard day. I, like many others, have endured a lot of trials in the last week and a half since the news broke that Kate Kelly and John Dehlin were facing excommunication.

Fortunately, not everyone has been cruel or unkind, and this is what I want to bring to others today. We need strength as a community, so I am sending this missive into the void in hopes that it brings happiness to my friends today.

Perceived Threats

As any of my close friends (and several not-very-close friends) can tell you, I have spent a lot of time working in restaurants.

If you have worked in a restaurant before, you know that every person serves an important purpose in the restaurant. If you haven't, let me demonstrate: The cooks work together to prepare the food before a shift, then cook it together on a line of anywhere from 3 to 10 men. They place their hard work in a "window" under heat lamps where a manager, assistant manager, or food runner add the final preparations: spoons, knives, napkins, or other small embellishes. Once the plate is picture perfect (at least it had to be in most of the places where I worked), either a food runner or servers will take the food from the window to the specific table and seat number, placing it neatly in front of the diner. The diner has at this point already given their order to an exhausted server, hopefully with minor modifications if any, after having been shown to a free and clean table by the host or hostess on shift. The table was cleaned by bussers probably only minutes (at times moments) before the diners sat down. So, bringing you a good dinner at a restaurant takes about 10-15 people working together, not including the staff behind the kitchen endlessly cleaning dishes and bringing them back out for use in the kitchen and on the restaurant floor.

Hopefully all 10-15 of them cleaned their hands. via

Jesus' PR Department: Context Missing From Pharisee Accusations

The following is a recently discovered letter from the little-known figure of antiquity, Michal Ottiah, managing director of Public Affairs for The Way of the Kingdom of God of Jesus the Messiah, ca 33 CE, when the Master was unavailable for comment.

Comments at various synagogues over recent months about what Jesus and his disciples should or not think about believers' roles as chosen people of the LORD prompt me to provide some context from an insider's perspective that may be helpful.

Recently, a Pharisee said the following:

"This man is not of God, because he keepeth not the Sabbath day." Others have said, "How can a man that is a sinner do such miracles?"

The point is a noteworthy one, namely that Jews who describe themselves as Pharisees don't necessarily seek to condemn Jesus, but rather to genuinely follow the entire Law of Moses as they understand it.

There are three specific criticisms that have been raised that will be addressed here:

Criticism 1: Jesus does that which is not lawful to do on the Sabbath day.

Playing Favorites

After feeling marginalized and left behind by the PR department of the LDS church over the last couple of months, Mormon feminists are still feeling marginalized and left behind by the PR department of the LDS church.

Two days ago, the Mormon Women Stand (MWS) Facebook page excitedly announced that they had held two meetings with PR representatives, including Jessica Moody--a name already familiar to Mormon feminists due to her dismissive letter in March--and a man named Michael Otterson who apparently looked down from his manly position to the women and "took the time to sit in." There has been hope among the group Ordain Women (OW) for a similar chance, but despite numerous requests for such a dialogue none has occurred.

Now, I have nothing against the women of MWS (except for maybe Kathryn Skaggs). I think it's a great idea for like-minded people to have a place to talk to other like-minded people, but what bothers me about the meeting is the feeling that the PR department is purposely avoiding meeting with OW. It doesn't feel like they just forgot about those other liberal women who wanted a meeting; it feels personal.

Godzilla, In Review

When I was a kid, I loved Godzilla. I would check out books from the Boise Public Library that were essentially bestiaries of Godzilla's kaiju brethren. I devoured Marc Cerasini's wonderful series of Godzilla novels. I watched as many of the films as our local Blockbuster had on its shelves, which wasn't a lot, and I even liked the 1998 American remake with Matthew Broderick.

I was young. I didn't know better.

I had a falling out with this particular fandom right around 1999 or 2000, but even still, when I saw trailers for the current American Godzilla reboot, I got goosebumps. It looked like they were doing everything right that the 1998 version did wrong: they stayed pretty faithful to Godzilla's traditional look, they got his roar right (a surprisingly big issue, believe me), and the cinematography looked very classy to boot. Learning that Bryan Cranston was going to star was just a cherry on top of a deliciously destructive sundae.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Apologetics Without Apology: A Response To My Critics

It seems that my critics are at it yet again. My Expert Textpert cronies and I have been accused of so many misdeeds lately that one wonders when we ever find time to blog at all. No doubt it will soon be "revealed" that we ate the last cookie, orchestrated Benghazi, and never saw The Godfather Part 2. I should note that I have never visited the blogs of my attackers to criticize them; I don't leave comments or engage in their petty "debate" challenges. Yet they feel compelled to bring their nonsense here repeatedly, no doubt to the delight of their comrades who would revel in the dissolution of Expert Textperts. Still, while their opinions mean little to me, I find myself fascinated by them and I'd like to respond to a few comments on a recent post I wrote to give an insight into their thinking. The reader can ultimately decide who is correct.

Pictured: My last selfie

10 Life Lessons from Comic Con

Salt Lake Comic Con's Fan Experience (aka Fan X) was a couple of weeks ago from April 17-19, and I'm still thinking about it. The Con took up the entire Salt Palace Convention Center, flooded City Creek with costumes, and was the 3rd largest Comic Con of all time.

Something Something Death Penalty

If you hadn't heard yet and have a strong stomach, here's what happened during an execution gone seriously wrong in Oklahoma.

Many have said plenty on the topic, so I'll keep my comments brief.

Mormon History #2: The Angel Moroni (As Told Through Facebook)

A few months back I wrote a speculative history of Joseph Smith's first vision as told through the medium of Twitter. Today, after long months of arduous research, I return with the next volume of my sporadic and (probably) ongoing Mormon History series, Volume 2: The Angel Moroni and Facebook.