Monday, July 27, 2015

Mormons React to the BSA Allowing Gay Leaders (or, Idolatry in the 21st Century)

An unedited sample of comments on the Mormon Newsroom's Facebook link to the church's statement on the Boy Scouts' decision to allow openly gay leaders:
"I will as well support the decisions of my Church Leadres." 
"I support the Church" 
"I will agree with whatever decision the church decides.I am a latter day Saint and I love my church and it's leaders" 
"Follow the prophet, that's what I'm going to do!!"
"Stay with the church teachings" 
"Thank full for prophets and other inspired men who lead with honor and authority!" 
"As a member of the Church, I will support their decision" 
"Thankful that the Church is reevaluating what has become a thorn in our side. Have confidence that whatever they decide will be done correctly." 
"I support what the church decides to do" 
"Out leaders will do what's right, for this reason I am so thankful for inspired leaders who do not decided from Truth and right with love and dignity shown to all"

Monday, July 6, 2015

My New Best Friend: Gordon Cynthia Churchill (Written by Me at Age 14)

Update: I originally wrote that this was written around age 8 after I misread folder labeled "third period" as "third grade." In fact, this came from Junior High. I was a precocious kid, but not that precocious.

Tonight I was going through a box of old documents from school when I came across this paper, written by me at age 15 or 16, apparently for an assignment to write about an imaginary friend. It seems worth sharing, if only because the profound weirdness entertains my 30 year old self. I now present it fully transcribed and without significant edits, for your...whatever it is you get out of reading this blog.

Gordon Churchill is my new best friend. He is a 55 year old deadbeat living in a trailer home with his mother Cynthia, his cat Muffykins, and his mom's current boyfriend Antonio. His dad joined congress when he was young, and has not been seen since. He has no job, although he once briefly held the position of assistant regurgitation engineer in a Turkish vomitorium (he never told me what he was doing in Turkey). Currently, he makes his living turning in Pepsi cans to grocery stores, suing corporations for trivial injuries and annoyances, collecting welfare, unemployment, and mooching money off of Cynthia (he calls her by her first name, by the way).

He is aware of his financial turmoil, and currently plans to start his business venture, the "Disco Copying Center," as soon as he can get money to rent space, hire employees, buy copiers, buy a disco ball, and order every Bee Gees album ever released. Says Gordon, "I am confident that the Disco Copying Center will take the fire away from Xerox and Staples, and make me rich!" Says Cynthia, "Take out the **** garbage NOW before I skin your *********** and **** it to the **** before they ***** with your loser father!" Once Gordon starts Disco Copying, he plans to live there also.

Saturday, July 4, 2015

On Freedom

This Independence Day, I've been thinking a lot about freedom. Freedom is an abstract concept and easy to twist to whatever your personal definition may be, but bear with me as I play with the definition to serve the purposes of this post.

Freedom is being free, right? If you are a free person, you can go do basically whatever you'd like today as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. You probably have a few options of what to do today including barbecuing, watching Netflix, going on a walk, and watching fireworks later tonight. In the United States, certain freedoms are enumerated in Bill of Rights. We have freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom to petition government, freedom to assemble, and a number of other such freedoms that make America THE GREATEST COUNTRY ON EARTH.