Sunday, November 6, 2016

Ten Bulletproof 2016 Election Predictions

Only two days left, no time for an introduction.

1. Hillary Clinton will win by a comfortable electoral margin, as Trump's armed poll watching patrols, fearful of leaving the suburbs, fail to stop the most flagrant voter fraud operation in human history.

2. Donald Trump will refuse to concede, continuing to hold rallies for his increasingly justified grievances, but things will go terribly awry when, at an event organized by alt-right hero Milo Yiannopoulos, he brags about the numerous women he's slept with and compares John Podesta to "one of those retarded gamer losers living in his parent's basement." He will be cruelly turned on and beaten by the furious crowd of awkward twenty-somethings wearing Titanfall shirts, who accuse him of being an anti-GamerGate shill. Humiliated, Trump will disappear from the public eye for years before making a final, anticlimactic appearance at the 2025 Royal Rumble, where will be eliminated in ten seconds by an evergreen Undertaker.

His eulogy will read: asshole couldn't even sell a stunner

Monday, October 17, 2016

Uhh, We Have a Podcast, and It's Good

Hi everybody, Casey here. A few months back I wrote about the future of this blog, which is definitely not dead yet (we've even managed to pump out a few posts since!)

Meanwhile, our creative energies have been focused on other projects. First, Brooke and I are still running a movie discussion blog called Brooke and Casey at the Movies, which is updated periodically as we watch new and classic movies. It's fun, give it a read.

More recently, we started a podcast called Not Quite Right, in which we each select one topic for the other to explain to us (often badly), before we set each other straight. It's also great fun, You should listen to it immediately via iTunes, Google Music, or your podcast app of choice. Or give it a try right now: here's the latest episode, in which we discuss Metallica and CPR. We're just doing this for fun and for our own benefit, but hey, more listeners means we're more likely to stick with it. Enjoy!

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Corianton, Mormons, and Sex

If you attend the mainstream LDS church and you go to Gospel Doctrine for Sunday School, then you're probably in Alma right now, close to the Corianton chapters. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you can read Alma chapters 39 through 42 online or just keep reading for a brief overview.

In chapter 39, Alma lays out some serious allegations against his son, Corianton. Alma says that Corianton fled his missionary work with a harlot named Isabel and... *gasp* had sex with her. Alma goes on to explain that sexual sin is the worst kind of sin (okay, unless you're killing or denying the Holy Ghost), then he goes into a huge lesson on the resurrection and plan of salvation, and that's the way we usually talk about Corianton. He's Alma's kid who couldn't keep it in his pants.

Friday, July 22, 2016

How To Deal with Donald Trump: 10 Responses from Worst to Best

Now that  Donald Trump has officially accepted the 2016 Republican presidential nomination, many of my left leaning friends, along with a decent number of conservatives, are wondering how best to handle it. I can't say I have all the answers (I, like everybody else, pegged him as a laughable no-hope candidate last year), but I have a few ideas of what to do, and what not to do. Therefore I humbly offer:

How to deal with the Donald: ten responses ranked from worst to best.

10. Blame "too much democracy" or extol the virtues of elite leadership
Say what you like about the walking tangerine in a toupee currently representing the GOP, but don't pretend that the endless parade of elite, wealthy warmongering doofuses who typically represent the political class on the left and the right aren't responsible for this mess to a large degree.

Doofuses in their natural habitat

Sunday, May 8, 2016

On a Hard Day

Today was a hard day.

Mother's Day is hard not because of my mother or my mother-in-law. They are both fun, strong, sweet women and I'm lucky to have them.

No, what makes today hard for me personally is the celebration of the status quo.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

We Are Not Alone: Eliza R. Snow and Women's Shared Trauma

Today's guest post comes to you from Eliza N. She is an editor who lives and works in Salt Lake City. She grew up in the Midwest and misses the cornfields. When she's not working, reading, or watching Netflix, she enjoys running, playing volleyball, and hanging out with her dog.

Ed. Note: Trigger warning for discussion of rape.

I have some things to say.

Last week I attended the Church History Symposium co-hosted by the Church History Department and BYU's Religious Studies Center. I attended Dr. Andrea Radke-Moss's presentation that has been quite the talk over the weekend in the Mormon Studies world because of new information that she presented identifying Eliza R. Snow as a victim of rape in Missouri during the persecution of the Mormons there in 1838. Her write-up at the Juvenile Instructor as well as this one at By Common Consent by my friend Kristine A. give excellent overviews of Dr. Radke-Moss’s presentation and explanations of her sources and reasoning.

Since Thursday, there’s been plenty of pushback in the comment sections of pretty much every article and post that’s discussed the bombshell regarding the validity and credibility of Dr. Radke-Moss’s source, the validity of her conclusions, and whether or not this information should have been revealed. Dr. Radke-Moss handily rebuts this criticism in her JI post, but here are my thoughts about her presentation and some of the pushback I have seen.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Evaluating the Republican Presidential Candidates Once Again (aka Cruzin' to the Trumpocalypse)

A while back I introduced an exhaustive yet succinct graphical representation of the Republican presidential field. Well, a lot has happened since that requires an update, including the implosion of Scott Walker, the rise and fall of Ben Carson, the surprising ineptitude of Jeb Bush, Chris Christie still hanging around for some reason, Marco Rubio doing who the hell knows what, and the emerging battle between Ted Cruz and Donald Trump [shudder] I need a shower here's the chart:


Tuesday, January 19, 2016

You Have Two Big Strong Hands That (Surprise!) You Have Control Over

A friend of the blog since before she was born, today's contributor Madelyn is Brooke’s baby sister. Madelyn is in her second year of college and spends most of her time working and singing in her institute choir.

My great-great-grandmother, Bertha A. Kleinman, wrote the adorable children's song "I Have Two Little Hands." I grew up being fond of the sweet tune and clever words. This morning, my father, the great-grandson of Bertha A. Kleinman, sent this photo to me and my sister.


It is a shot of a slide shown in a seminary class. He expressed disgust with this desecration of the song, and I'm going to express my own feelings here. In case you can't read the image, the twisted version of our family's favorite primary song reads:

Monday, January 18, 2016

Rejected Millennial Star Posts

Regular readers may be surprised to learn this, but Expert Textperts is not the only blog that occasionally touches on Mormon topics. In fact, in spite of blogging losing the "cool" factor it used to have, there are still dozens, nay, tens of dozens of blogs about Mormon stuff.

One such blog is called Millennial Star, best known in certain circles for its..shall we say... selective...commenting policy. It's also an online home of proudly rigid orthodox and conservative Mormon thought (FINALLY), although for some reason that doesn't extend to reviving discredited RLDS apologetics...but I digress. The more perspectives the merrier, says I!

This guy's view is a valid as anyone's.

What you might not know is that M*, as it's colloquially known, actually rejected me as a permablogger, for personal reasons (specifically, that they technically don't know who I am and I think I misspelled my email on the application). Still, I had a lot of great topics to pitch them, so as a service I now offer them to the world.

You're welcome.

Monday, January 11, 2016

We're Starting a Movie Blog! (Plus a Few Thoughts on the Future of Expert Textperts)

Many readers are probably aware that the two most frequent and arguably best looking contributors to this blog, me and Brooke, are actually married. To each other! And, like many human people, we like to watch movies. This year we set a goal of increasing our familiarity with film history by watching more classic movies, using Roger Ebert's Great Movies list as a reference. Thus, we thought it would be fun to combine all these elements into a new project, Brooke and Casey at the Movies.

We've written about film a few times here, notably back in 2013 when we recapped the Oscar best picture slate, but we wanted to do something more narrowly-focused and conversational than Expert Textperts has generally been. Rather than traditional reviews or essays, we'll be posting lightly-edited chat recaps about once or twice a week as we work through Ebert's list (or any other movie we choose), hopefully with insight and sensible amounts of humor. Here's a sneak preview: