Monday, February 4, 2013

The Best of the Bloggernacle

Those of you who follow the comings and goings of the bloggernacle are probably aware of the recent Wheaties awards given to the top vote-getters in various categories of Mormon blogging. Now, I'm the last person to criticize the validity of anonymous internet voting, which the recent re-election of President Ron Paul proves is unfailingly accurate, but I do have a few stray observations about the results.

Best Big Blog: Feminist Mormon Housewives.
So I guess there's, like, a thing going on about this. See, the 900 pound gorilla of the bloggernacle, By Common Consent, was initially declared winner, only to get Thomas Deweyed, which led to a fairly hilarious meme war between the two sites. I can't feign objectivity here, having written and co-written a couple of guest posts for BCC, where I also lurk and comment occasionally. Meanwhile I can barely get anyone to respond to my comments at FMH. I don't understand it: I always explain very clearly, logically, and confidently when and why their opinions are incorrect, which for some reason they react badly to. I guess it's a feminist thing.

I didn't say you're wrong because  you're female, just that we can't rule that out as a possibility and how come that's off-limits, ladies?

So I prefer BCC, but really FMH is cool too and the two can fight their own battle for bloggernacle supremacy. Little do they know our secret plan to subtly undermine all other blogs until  REDACTED PER RULE 2.3 SECRET BLOGGERNACLE TAKEOVER PLAN REV. 4

Best Group Blog: Doves & Serpents.
I admit, I don't really read D&S, mainly because it's not on where many of the blogs I tend to frequent are listed. I really should though, because it's quite pretty and seems to have some good content. High five to Doves & Serpents.

Best Humorous Blog: Expert Textperts
Wow, this one's a real honor, and all I can say is...sorry, hang on a second...

Best Humorous Blog: Sistas in Zion.

Look, I...okay, let's know what, we'll come back to this. layout, FMH, sure. Skipping a post title, very appropriate. Best humorous post, this. As it happens I had two posts in the running on this same category, which probably split the vote against myself unfairly and caused me to be, respectively, second to last and dead last in the voting. Still, at least General Conference predictions has a pretty good shot in the Brodies, and because Ex-Mormons are people too I will gladly accept their praise. Plus I can't begrudge a victory to Matsby who is, by all accounts, a funny guy and worthy winner. Technically his entry was more of a humorous picture than a blog post, which should, I believe, consist primarily of text or some kind of unified narrative or thematic structure, meaning GIFS are acceptable but static images are not. But I'm totally okay with not winning. Really, already over it. So why are we still talking about it? Moving along.

Best...historical, spiritual, doctrinal, et cetera, ...hey, Joanna Brooks won some stuff and that's good, and then some other things...and...okay. Here goes.

Best Humorous Blog: Sistas in Zion.
A fine blog, I'm sure. I don't follow it, so good for them. As it happens, Expert Textperts was in the running for that category too. In competition Sistas and Overheard in the Ward. Both of which got more votes.

Well, there's no accounting for taste and I certainly understand if a majority of voters pondered the choices and after careful deliberation cast their ballots for the others and

COME ON WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO WIN YOU PEOPLE OVER? Really? Overheard in the freakin' Ward? How is that even close? MAYBE  it's good for a chuckle when it's ever even updated (ooh ya burned) but, no, NO, I cannot accept this. THIS IS WAR AND I WILL DESTROY YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE AND WHY EVER YOU HAVE DONE TO ME. It's entirely possible Expert Textperts actually isn't the funniest blog and maybe I'm a hypocrite for having voted for it without having duly considered the competition, which is exactly what I think a lot of voters did and isn't it stupid to tie my self-esteem to such a silly thing? But you know what else is silly? Throwing a house party so I could have all my friends over to vote for my blog at once, only the stupid poll system blocks repeat voting from the same computer even though I very clearly explained to the computer that it's a different voter now and I won't let them leave my home until they vote for me so why are you making THEM suffer computer? HUH? WHO'S THE CRAZY ONE NOW?

So in conclusion, it has become increasingly obvious that I am surrounded by enemies and there is nobody I can trust. And just in case there's any confusion, I congratulate all of the winners. I'm not a sore loser. I'M NOT A SORE...see how you make me shout? I don't want to have to shout. So I will find you and we'll have a discussion and I'll find out why you didn't pick my blog and then I'll change your mind. And this won't happen again. Not when we finally REDACTED WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE RULES IF YOU'RE  JUST GOING TO IGNORE THEM?