Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Politics Done Right

Today was the day you were all waiting for - the Presidential Debate. After all this tip-toeing around, we can finally get some straight answers from the candidates. I've found some of the best clips of both Romney and the POTUS to help you make your decision this election year.

Mitt gets gritty right off the bat, "So many people are rubbing on their messy parts. It's awful, awkward, and germy." and, "I'll chop a squid and mash a pickle and make you drink it." He asks the deep questions, "Is that your underwear up there?" "You gotta ask a black boy, who did it?" and, "Are you a rapist?" He also addresses the hard hitting issues, "Old people are stinky - spike their drink." and most importantly, "Yo momma can't reach my body and touch it. It's my body, ya see?"

Romney may have arrived well prepared to the debate, but so did Obama.

The incumbent came in swingi-- singing. Definitely singing. He takes a jab at Romney right out of the gate, "Go to hell you say," he said with little regard for his opponent, "The broccoli you and me gathered was good." He directly addressed the recession, "We've been out of brownies, rice, and we miss pork chops in the summer... Think about it, cuz I do." He addressed the American public with direct advice about our current state as the fattest nation in the world, "The pressure to put on weight is one of the reasons we've got the red sweatsuits," and then discussed the importance of minorities, "The thick spartan women are so important."

The POTUS drove in his point at the end and addressed Romney and America one last time, "Are you really drinking my bottled judgment?"

I hope these videos of tonight's debate have been enlightening. I'd take the President's advice: "Unzip the windflap and love and you can't go wrong."

In case you support Paul Ryan, don't worry! We've got some great insight into his side from his personal video diary.

 Ryan's band, Steak Baby, sounds like it could really take off. He's not afraid to talk about bad gifts, "Bananas kind of suck. They're not the best present."

And, okay, I know he doesn't really have a chance, but I'm still a big Ron Paul supporter.

He's never shrunk from the big issues, "Hawaiians think people are idiots! Because we serve peach cobbler and we do it all in a spit cup!"

So as you make your Decision 2012, really take these tough issues into consideration. I think Ron Paul said it best, "If you refuse, I'll haunt your prostate."