Sorry, not a very good introduction. Let me try again.
Happy Presidents Day! Officially celebrated as George Washington's birthday, P-day is the day when we celebrate...having a president and being American, I guess. Or having the day off if you're a banker or a government employee. Or having to put out inventory and work harder if you're in retail.
Anyway, one day you will die and be forgotten.
But not if you're an American President! Then, you'll be forever immortalized by an official portrait, which will be hung forever in the hallowed halls of...the White House, I assume? The point is, some portraits are really good. Some are not. Here's a list dedicated to counting down the ten best and worst.
The Best Presidential Portraits
10. Thomas Jefferson
Simple, elegant, and also is it weird that I kind of think Jefferson looks a little like Liam Neeson here? Is that just me? Yes? Okay, fine. Moving along.
9. Harry Truman
8. Benjamin Harrison
7. Rutherford B Hayes
Ulysses S. Grant because I ran out of ways to describe handsome beards without sounding weird.
6. Teddy Roosevelt
5. Franklin Roosevelt
4. Woodrow Wilson
3. Franklin Pierce
2. Abraham Lincoln
1. John F. Kennedy
The Worst Presidential Portraits
Sadly the hallowed history of the U.S. presidency has been marked by some pretty terrible paintings, too. I'm not saying I could have done a better job, just that maybe somebody could have. Instead it's there for the world to see, forever. It's like that picture on Facebook where you're making an embarrassingly stupid face and you already untagged yourself but it's still on Chad's Summer 2013 album and when you asked him to delete it he made it his profile picture and what's wrong with you Chad!?
10. William Henry Harrison
It's kind of unfair to make fun of a portrait just because the subject is a little on the homely side, especially when he barely even got to be president for a month. But...umm...maybe widows peaks were the fashion at the time?
9. Grover Cleveland
While President Cleveland's other portrait is perfectly adequate, this one makes him look like he's sitting on a medium sized rock, and also suffering from constipation.
8. John Tyler
Speaking of uncomfortable, here's John Tyler. Just manspreadin', holding a rumpled newspaper that looks like a diaper, and generally looking like someone who's never faked looking casual before.
7. Millard Fillmore
What is he pointing at? Why is he popping his hip like that? I'm going to blame this one on the artist. I'm sorry, Mr. Fillmore, you're not doing anything wrong (besides the Anton Chigurgh haircut), but your portrait, it isn't good.
6. Zachary Taylor
Hey look, Zachary Taylor was in the military. You know who else was in the military? George Washington. Ulysses Grant. Dwight Eisenhower. Do you see them dressed like that? No. No, you don't. You look like an ass, Zachary Taylor.
5. John Quincy Adams
So he's sitting in a chair with those dead eyes, gently caressing a picture of...his dad, I guess. Creepy. And he's got his finger in a book for some reason. Here's a rule: you get one accessory, presidential portrait painters. Just one.
4. James Buchanan
There are plenty of good looks for a presidential portrait, but "Come hither" isn't one unless you're Bill Clinton.
3. Andrew Jackson
2. George Washington
Yep, I'm about to diss George Washington on his birthday. Sorry George. So what's wrong with this painting? First of all, it looks like the painter based it off a marble bust instead of a human face. An angry marble bust. Also, what is Washington gesturing toward? His table? Is he selling it? Is this Presidential Antiques Roadshow? The artist somehow even made holding a sword look uncool. Also, Washington would super irritated to learn that Jefferson made the top 10 best list.
1. James Polk
Barty Crouch Jr.