If you're the type who follows the news, then you might have noticed that things seem a little down lately. Times may be confusing and depressing, but fear not: Expert Textperts is here as always to explain the most important
going-ons goingses-on things happening in your world today. Here's your news update for December 2014.
|Now with 500% more image captions|
- Protests in Ferguson, Missouri continue after authorities declined to indict officer Darren Wilson for his controversial shooting of unarmed black teenager Michael Brown. Wilson's testimony, in which he declared that Brown looked "like a demon," was well received by the grand jury, which issued a statement that "We cannot but, with all thankfulness, acknowledge the success which the merciful God has given unto the sedulous and assiduous endeavours of our honourable constables, to detect the abominable witchcrafts which have been committed in the country, humbly praying, that the discovery of those mysterious and mischievous wickednesses may be perfected!"
|Artists's rendition of Wilson testifying|
|Pictured: Pantaleo's self-image after choking an innocent man to death with his bare hands|
|Fun exercise: Point a gun at your children and ask them to explain why you shouldn't kill them in the time it takes this gif to loop!|
|We salute brave police leveling up to protect the non-possessed|
- In video game news, #gamergate, the burning ember of entitled masculine online nerdrage fueled by misogyny, reactionary anti-progressivism, and subservient hyperconsumerism, still exists. Fortunately, gamergate can be easily ignored by avoiding twitter, not being interested in the tech industry, and not being a woman, so thank God that's not a problem anymore.
|SJW white knight casuals don't stand a chance|