Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Bacon and the Future of Traditional Dinner

Today I feel compelled to write about a serious threat to our society's well-being, and indeed, to the very social structure that holds it together. Since the beginning of civilization, the family has been held together by a common centerpiece, which is currently under attack by dangerous, radical ideologies: dinner. Indeed, dinner is under attack as never before, primarily by the pernicious agents of radical Baconism.

Baconism has even perverted our most ancient religious celebrations

The evidence is all around us. Bacon in lasagna. Bacon in desserts. Bacon paraphernalia  Bacon openly and flagrantly promoted by family restaurants. In years past bacon was a minor part of the food landscape, but in the last few decades, due to the unceasing efforts of Baconists and the moral degradation of society, it has become so central to the modern food landscape in ways that would sock our ancestors. It is becoming increasingly difficult to order a traditional, non-bacon meal, and those who try are often mocked and belittled by the pro-bacon media.

But why should bacon be a threat? After all, aren't we free to eat or not eat what we choose? That kind of reasoning, while seductive, is dangerous. Our bodies are essential to the Plan of Salvation. The Word of Wisdom, issued in 1833, clearly teaches the importance of taking care of the body through proper eating, which includes eating meat sparingly. Modern revelation also teaches that bacon is a meat. As a result, Latter Day Saints should be extremely wary of attempts to redefine dinner by introducing obscene quantities of bacon into it. Foodies on all sides agree that adding bacon to food will change our culture's understanding of dinner in unpredictable ways. Already we're see a steady stream of bacon in the media. Soon it will spread. It's not enough to say that people can make their own choices; it's our responsibility to take a stand against immoral, radical Baconism before it engulfs us.

Satan's counterfeit Word of Wisdom is being promoted by government.

The biggest deception of the pro-bacon movement, whether intentional or not, is that Baconists just want the same acceptance as traditional eaters. I hear people making arguments like, "Putting bacon in milkshakes doesn't adversely affect my dinner, so why stop others from doing it?" However, the truth is that many in the bacon movement do not want to just redefine dinner for themselves, they want to radically alter it for everyone. There are some activists who hope that bacon will knock traditional food off its pedestal altogether. They want to abolish oatmeal, Tuna sandwiches, creamed corn, and other traditionally non-bacon foods. They weaken traditional dinner by denigrating it. They don't even want dinner, they want bacon and only bacon. Anything without bacon is mocked, attacked  and persecuted. They want to force-feed our children bacon in schools, and parents shouldn't have to withstand the onslought of bacon alone.

Baconists seek to redefine acceptable food pairings in dinner, teaching that steak and potatoes are no longer good enough, that chicken alone cannot make a meal, and that vegetables cannot be eaten raw. This destroys the very core of dinner; namely, of varying, balanced food groups. Forcing bacon into every meal means dinner becomes just another occasion for fatty, sinful overindulgance. The end result of Baconism will be the complete obliteration of dinner. Radical Baconists believe the idea that dinner should promote diversity and balance is antithetical to their view of a bacon free for all. Soon traditional food will be so thoroughly laced with bacon that the two will be indistinguishable. Baconists cannot avoid bacon themselves, so they want to destroy anything without it. They want bacon to be the norm, the only food we eat.

The future if we don't repent

We are obviously facing forces that seek the radical redefinition and destruction of traditional dinner. The world is ripening for destruction. Scripture warns us that the destroying angel will not pass by those who disregard the Lord's commandment, and that they will be slain. I certainly do not want this to happen  but it's clear that our society has chosen this direction. I pray that we change course soon, or the consequences may be delicious.


  1. Wow. I need to move back to the states. Here in Asia, the anti-baconism is a huge problem akin to racism and price fixing and price fixing based on racism. Bacon costs roughly $15 a package here (which we happily spend because it is pig meat manna from heaven). Also, they have Danish back bacon which is like a limp fatty Canadian bacon abomination and pork belly which is like bacon's fatter crunchier yet porkier tasting cousin. Worst of all are the anti-pork countries where they serve beef "bacon" which is kind of like steakums got spam pregnant at the prom.

  2. Question: Will the destroying angel pass me by if I put pig's blood on the lintel and door posts of my home?

  3. To think they put it on restaurant menus. Children read restaurant menus.